Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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