I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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