she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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