but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
