She said her name was "party"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
