Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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