I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
