i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
