worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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