were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize