Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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