He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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