They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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