Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
