On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
