How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
