Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize