he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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