Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
