I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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