I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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