bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
