I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
