but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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