why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ttyl tear gas
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
