I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
