Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
