We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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