im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
