but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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