If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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