I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
