i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
