Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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