I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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