why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
