How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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