dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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