you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
