I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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