She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
