Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
