whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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