when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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