I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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