i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
