Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
