It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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