So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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