I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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