he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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