i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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