If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
