How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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