I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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