At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
