I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
