im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
