Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
