And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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