LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
