youre lurking in front of me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
