What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
