I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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