so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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