Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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