I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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