the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
