one two three fourrrrnication!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
