Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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