I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
