Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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